Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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