plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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