ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
