Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
