his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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