we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You've changed since you got that strap on
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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