when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
