So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
