Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
