Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
