I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
