I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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