Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
