Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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