i think i have two assholes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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