My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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