Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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