OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
