I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize