Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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