i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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