She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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