Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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