Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you had me at cake vodka
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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