pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm too high and old for this...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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