the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
