this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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