why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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