You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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