last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
