u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize