Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
