I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just had sex on a roof
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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