Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
