hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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