I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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