you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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