Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How external is "for external use only"?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
