I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
