my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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