she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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