..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
