He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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