i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
