It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She even gives head with a lisp.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize