you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize