I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Apparently you make a good broom.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
