i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
