I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
