Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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