Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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