Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
