Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
