Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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