You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
