the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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