you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
