FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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