i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
