I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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