if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
