I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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