I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
