"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
