Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
