my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
