The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
