When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
