The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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