You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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