I think i sorta joined a cult last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
