allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
