i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
