It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
