Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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