Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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